Get A Lady — Position Available

— I —

A Brief Note from the Host

Hello. The estate has one vacancy. The position is companion, co-resident, domestic partner — title flexible, tax treatment unsettled. The successful candidate shares the address, the wifi, and the long-term plot. The terms are reasonable. The host is, on most reports, fine.

— II —

What’s on Offer

A summary of accommodations, prepared in good faith, current as of this morning.

A master suite of your own: Including a bath that closes.
A king-sized bed: Already assembled. Sheets clean. Pillows negotiable.
A second bedroom: Child-ready, if applicable.
Fast wifi, no bills: No commute unless your hobbies require one.
A discretionary cash allowance: The host has been described as “pretty generous, I think.”
Mornings, afternoons: Yours. Both of them.
A driveway and a yard: Both fully landscaped. Maintenance, generally, is handled.
A standing membership at the library: Use of which is encouraged but unmonitored.

— III —

The Daily

A loose impression of a week. Subject to adjustment by mutual sigh.

Mornings: Yours. Coffee is in the cupboard above the sink. The good mugs are on the second shelf.
Most days: Cooking collaboratively, mostly. Cleaning lightly. Laundry separated by color, occasionally by mood.
Tuesdays: A reasonable cleaning cadence. We dust the living room. The bathroom, when required.
Wednesdays: A standing engagement. The host will not elaborate. He will smile knowingly.
Thursdays: The dishwasher gets emptied. By whoever notices.
Weekends: Sometimes social, sometimes not. The yard occasionally requests attention.
Everything else: Your time. Your call. The dog (provided) is friendly and will accompany you on request.

— IV —

About the Host

“Single. Generally pleasant. Returns calls. Has not killed a houseplant in approximately fourteen months.”

“Once held the door for me — for the full duration of my passing through it.” — A Neighbor

“His lawn is acceptably maintained.” — The Adjacent Property Owner

“Brought a casserole to the block party. The casserole was acceptable.” — Member, Block Association

“Returns the recycling bin to the side of the house. Same day.” — Anonymous

“Did not honk, even when I deserved it.” — A Fellow Motorist

— V —

A Brief Compatibility Inquiry

Six questions, answered without obligation. The result is delivered immediately and shared with no one.

Question 1 of 6

When the dishes pile up, you:

handle it immediately wait for momentum reframe them as dish art

Question 2 of 6

Your weekend is most accurately described as:

booked open ambient

Question 3 of 6

The phrase “standing engagement” makes you:

check the calendar raise an eyebrow shrug

Question 4 of 6

Acceptable level of casserole in your life:

low moderate constant

Question 5 of 6

The thermostat at 67°F is:

ideal chilly a fistfight

Question 6 of 6

If you had a free Wednesday evening, you would:

make plans keep it open volunteer at the food bank

—_{/ 100}

— VI —

A Word, Anonymously

Do you endorse the host, in general?
Your vote is anonymous, and we will inform him.

0 in favor · 0 against

— VII —

Dispatches from the Estate

Brief notes, occasionally sent. Frequency: irregular. Content: variable. Quality: forthcoming.

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